Settling exposes a few personal vulnerabilities I’ve been dealing with for the past few months.
Ruins was almost a melodic expression of these same feelings. I was afraid to go into more detail, as you can tell by the lack of content in its accompanying blog post. Settling is, I suppose, the more dramatic approach to expressing my anxieties.https://telepath.icu/settling
The Work in Progress
This song began one night as I was falling asleep. I started humming the melody while in bed, and the lyrics shortly followed. In fear of forgetting the next morning, I jumped out of bed, and immediately ran to record it on my laptop.
From there, I played around with different styles. Nothing really sounded right, not at first anyway. So I decided to come up with a perc loop as a starting ground, and the rest seemed to just gather together.
Per usual for these blog posts, here’s the first render, which was a lot of the foundation for the entire track:
I started working on this song on December 1st, and “finished” on January 5th. There were some days where I sat in front of Ableton for 10 hours straight (no hyperbole), and some weeks where I didn’t open Ableton at all.
By the way, I’m not joking about the 10-hour sessions. I documented this very well in my Vlogmas series on Patreon. Looking back, I wish I actually recorded myself while working on the track, but it would have been a lot of footage.
Regardless, I think it was the most fun I’ve had writing a song since my Better Not remix. Plus, check out the fat project file.
Generally, I try not to post hype about my upcoming releases because it makes me very anxious. However, I do post early listens on Patreon, and Jan responded with this inquiry:
Good question, and honestly, I’m not sure how to answer it, but I’ll try my very best. The idea behind the whole song can best be explained by the lyrics, which I will talk about in a later section.
Initially, I was actually going to release it as a stand-alone vocal acapella (similar to another unreleased song I made about two years ago called Simple, if anyone reading this has heard that piece). Settling morphed into this weird percussion-based track simply because it felt too empty to me. Percussion is special, because it’s a sound you tend to feel.
How do I know I’ve taken the track far enough? Across my many online platforms, I’ve made one thing clear:
My songs are never finished, just abandoned.
This holds true here as well. I could keep working on this forever. However, I am a very one-track minded person. I can’t seem to work on multiple projects at once, because I get too attached to one and neglect the others. In order to move on to the next project, I have to be finished with this one. With music, it’s “finished” when I want to begin working on something else.
Even though I try not to hint away too much at my projects until they’re closer to being done, I share with some close friends for feedback, and man. This has been the most positive in my releases so far.
My new friend, Positive, drew me and my lyrics after listening to it. I wanted to cry because it meant so much to me. He also told me to chin up and that my self-esteem is too low based off of the lyrics. I’m going to work on it this year.
Toward the “end” of this project, I reached out on Twitter asking “who can I pay to master this track for me” and a bunch of people responded.
Unfortunately, I got a bit overwhelmed and I decided to pull back. I ended up exporting and eventually distributing my latest (20th) render/attempt at a master, even after I got some really nice quality versions back from my friends.
Because of this, I just wanted to give a shout out to my friends who reached out to help with that. They took the time to actually provide masters or mixes, and I apologize for not using your hard work.
I still feel bad about that, but hopefully I can get better at mix/mastering on my own for future releases.
telepathics – Settling (lyrics)
i dont think i get it
i dont understand
is this what you had in mind
were you hoping for something more
i dont think you want this
is this what you wanted
it’s all i can think about and
why would you settle for me
the words just stay in my head
i dont feel i deserve this
the words are stuck in my mouth
I feel inadequate in my relationships (all of them, but particularly my romantic relationship). Especially with long-distance relationships; I have an overwhelming fear of failing to meet expectations someone has built up about me before we’ve even met.
In short, I’m afraid he’s settling for me, and I believe he deserves someone much better.
Aside from Positive, the lyrics actually also concerned a couple other people (thanks for your kind words). However, I would like everyone to know that I’ve accepted the feelings, and am constantly working to overcome them. 🙂
My sister is getting more into photography and editing, so we spent a day taking photos together and editing them in Lightroom. Here are the final renders! I’m currently using them as playlist covers on Soundcloud, for a more cohesive look.
Also, the visualiser app I used for my previous releases (on YouTube) finally broke. It’s very old and unmaintained, so I was expecting it. I used this as an opportunity to finally “create” my own visualiser with Adobe After Effects, and I think it turned out great! It was a rushed midnight project, so I may change it up again soon.
This has been a pretty aggressive attempt in my production, if not the most aggressive thus far. But it’s all been really fun! I’m glad I can just find something that works and run with it.
I have a couple collaborations planned with some friends (and my band, 4AM!) that I’m pretty excited for, so keep an eye out. Might even throw in a cover as well. I’m feeling fairly excited about this year in my music progression. Can’t wait to share it with you 🙂